Escape
by ShadowSwan
Summary: "I'm leaving. Leaving this house, this life, you. You've become my sun. My world revolves around you, and I'm trapped by it." Peddie one-shot, a little AU.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, places etc. related to House of Anubis.**

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Escape

I'm leaving. Leaving this house, this life, you.

I've been watching you this past year. I never meant to, but once I started, I couldn't stop. When I bought this house, I didn't know you lived on the other side of the street, I promise. I would never do that to you.

That first morning, when I opened my curtains, surveying this old-fashioned street, with its cobblestones, and its little gardens dotted around, and the terrace of houses that stretch into the sunrise, I never imagined I would see you stepping out of your house. My heart leapt. For the first time since coming back, I'd wondered if I could be happy again.

You looked beautiful that morning. Your hair was longer than I'd ever seen it, and I could see your smile from across the street. The sun caught your face on one side, and you looked perfect. More than perfect.

I was halfway through pulling some shoes and a jumper on when I watched him follow you out the door. You kissed one another goodbye, on the lips no less, then he got in the car outside your house and you started walking in the other direction.

That hurt. I knew, I'd always known, that you would have moved on while I was away. When you let me go, I'd known it was because you wanted to see other people. We'd been together since high school, four years. I was only leaving for six months, but you'd said no. What if I had to stay longer? What if I met someone else? What if you did?

Well you were right. I did have to stay longer. I stayed there for two years. You stopped talking to me eventually, and deep down, I knew that was because you'd found someone else. And at the window that morning, I finally saw the man who had taken my place. The man who got to kiss you goodnight and good morning, and whenever else he wanted.

When I got back here, I never meant to find you again. I didn't find anyone in America, but I wasn't holding out for you. You were always at the back of my mind, like a dream I wanted to dream again just one more night, but nothing more. It took a few months for me to move on, but eventually I started finding other girls pretty again. I never went for the girls with red hair though. I couldn't.

That morning, I considered my options. I could move. I could introduce myself and watch as you moved. Or I could stay hidden in these shadows, let you carry on with your life, and simply watch. Watch as your life passed by, getting a glimpse of it from time to time. It was more than I could have hoped for a year ago.

So I did. I've been watching you for a year, and it's been the best and worst year of my life. You've never seen me. I've seen you glance at the house occasionally, probably wondering who the mysterious man who lives here is, but you've never wondered long enough to find out. There are plenty of mysterious people on this street - I'm not important. Besides, I've changed. I'm bigger, taking out my anger and loneliness on the gym equipment. My hair is shorter, and I'm growing stubble. You probably wouldn't recognise me straight away. I'm never going to get close enough for you to take a second look.

Night is the worst time of day. Your curtains are closed, but there's a light inside. I imagine the scene behind them. You, curled up on the sofa, with him. Watching the shows we used to, laughing at the jokes we used to. I wonder if you share the same sense of humour, the same interests, like we did. I wonder if you ever think of me.

You've become my sun. My world revolves around you, and I'm trapped by it. It's why I'm leaving. My new job here said I could pick my own hours; I chose them based on you. So I could always watch you leave and I could always watch you arrive home. I never wanted it to be like this when I made that decision to stay in the shadows, but I can't help it. You're like an addiction. I can't have you, and you don't want me, but I can watch from afar, and once upon a time, it was enough.

It isn't anymore.

I need to get out of here, because your life is moving quickly, and mine is wasting away, pining for the girl I lost. The past few months have been a whirlwind for you.

I watched the day you ran out to him as he arrived home. You didn't wait for him to enter the house, you met him out on the street. You said something to him with the biggest grin, and he picked you up and spun you around, and my heart hurt. That night I spent hours trying to work out what it could be. Possibilities loomed, each worse than the other. Maybe you were expecting a child? That would tie you together forever, and that tiny part of me that still loved you and assumed that one day we would be together again, that part despaired. The next day, my mind brightened a little. You left for work later, you got home earlier - you'd been promoted. Nothing more, nothing less.

A few months later, I watched him this time. He said goodbye to you, he got in his car and drove away, but he returned as soon as you'd gone. Then he got out and on foot, headed in the direction of the town centre. I'd bristled. Was he cheating on you? You deserved better, you deserved so much better than that. I wasn't better, by any stretch of the imagination, but someone else had to be. But he'd gotten home within the hour, and then I had to go to work. When I got home, your house was in darkness. I'd been kept late, but it was still too early for you to have retreated to bed. You were out, I guessed. I tried to focus on something else, but when I heard the car pull up, I raced to the window, helpless. The porch light shone as you opened the door - you were laughing, and so was he. In your arms was a bunch of flowers, and you kept playing with your necklace, as though you were unused to it. The next day, that car was gone, replaced by a shiny new one. So he'd been promoted this time, and you'd gone out to celebrate. I was getting too good at guessing your life, at dreaming up every situation you ever found yourself in.

I panicked after that. If you'd both been promoted, that meant more money. These houses were lovely, but less than ideal for starting a family. Maybe you'd move elsewhere, to a bigger house, away from me. You didn't even know I existed, and yet you were my reason for existence. It was too late now, the thought of not being able to watch you every day hurt. That torment was a physical pain.

The next month, when all of your friends piled into that little house for some sort of celebration, I thought all my fears had been confirmed. Then I'd remembered that it was your birthday, and I'd smiled to myself. I'd been toying with the idea of buying you a card and posting it through the door. Then I'd gotten carried away. The last time I went shopping, I'd seen a necklace, gold with a tiny sun charm. It suited you, and it suited me, but I stopped myself from buying it for you. You had a necklace, you had him. You didn't know me, not anymore, and if I gave myself away, that would be the end of this unhealthy life I was leading.

After that day, I'd taken a good look at myself. I had to get out of this. Every time something out of the ordinary happened in your life, I was freaking out. This time it was your birthday, but next time could be something different.

I couldn't stand here and watch out of my window as you opened the door to your friends and everyone gathered around your left hand, making it official that I'd lost you forever.

I couldn't stand here and watch out of my window as you opened the door to the wedding car that had arrived to take you away to the best day of your life, and the worst of mine.

I couldn't stand here and watch out of my window as you opened the door to your husband, hands folded across a slightly bigger middle, glowing and looking more beautiful than ever.

I couldn't do that. Any of that. So I was getting out before I had to.

I took action immediately. A week ago I had my job transferred to the south of the country, far away from you. I sold this house, and I organised a removal van for today. I'm waiting for it right now. It was always going to be risky - when I arrived, I was a boy with a suitcase. Now, I'm a man with furniture and a half life built up. If you were ever to notice me, today would be the day. A bittersweet hello and goodbye.

I need to say goodbye though. I need to find this perfect life you have. I want a seaside apartment, I want a new woman to fill my every thought, I want someone to come home to. You will always be there. You were my first love, my first heartbreak, but you'll be a memory, not a dream. I need to escape you.

I survey my empty room. I'm standing at the window again. I'm telling myself that I'm just waiting for the removal van, but actually I'm just watching your house, drinking in everything before I have to leave you forever. I'm hoping you'll leave your house one last time, so I can see you one last time, but it's unlikely. It's seven in the morning on a Saturday. Sane people are in bed. I've never counted myself amongst them.

It kills me that I'm leaving, because since I made that decision, I know you've had problems with him. I've seen your arguing silhouettes at one in the morning, I've seen you leave the house together without a kiss, without a word. It's probably a petty argument that will blow over within a few weeks. I won't be here to witness the end of it. I'm only watching as you drift away from him, and it hurts how much I want to be the person you drift towards.

The removal van pulls up, and I sigh. I bid goodbye to the window, my true home over the last year, and I walk down these stairs for the last time. As I step out onto the street, I look at your house again. I rarely pause and look at it outside - that might give me away. This time though, I savour it, like a final sunset. In a way, it is.

The removal guys are men of few words. The van isn't huge - I have more belongings than before, but still not many. I direct them around the house, and they set about moving the bed, my sofas, my fridge. I follow them in and start bringing out my cardboard boxes, lining them up in the van.

Soon my mind is entirely focused on moving. I almost manage to forget you, in my concern for packing my stuff. I'm leaving everything that ever mattered to me behind. I should at least take everything that should matter with me. In no time at all, everything is loaded up. I do one last search of my little house before giving the removal men the nod. I'm a little sad as I wander round; I've grown somewhat attached to the place.

The van leaves and I'm left on the pavement, only my suitcase tucked in the passageway. Suddenly it feels like the last year never happened, and I'm still the same. If only it had never happened.

For a few moments I stay outside, looking down the street, getting my last real look at it. A taxi will take me to the station in an hour, and I'll meet the van down south this afternoon. The entire move has been easy and smooth. There have been no problems. I'm destined to leave this place. I'm destined to leave you. For good this time.

A door opening gets my attention, and it's yours. I don't know what to do. I want to run inside, leave without ever seeing you properly. It's for the best, for both of us. But a part of me, that part I've been wrestling with for the last year, wants to wait and see you in person one last time.

It is him in the doorway. I am ashamed at my disappointment, but my curiosity is piqued when I see him with a suitcase. He stumbles down the steps, glancing around the street in a shifty manner. He is surprised to see me, but it is the surprise of someone who expected no one else to be around this early. Nothing more, nothing less. I watch as he loads his case into the back of the car and unlocks it. Suddenly I feel intrusive, like I'm watching something I shouldn't be. Something is wrong here.

And then you appear and I'm stuck. I can't move now. You're upset and you're yelling at him and he's pleading with you. You're having none of it though. This argument has become serious. He looks at me again, as if embarrassed that someone else is witnessing this. You glance over, following his eye line, and my heart pounds. You look away quickly though, yelling something else as he finally gets in his car and drives away. I don't know if this is serious or temporary, but I'm worried about you. I hate seeing you upset.

You look at me again as you go to close the door, and this time you pause. I panic. I turn to go back into my house, but you call my name.

You call my name.

It is soft at first, and then you repeat it, a little louder. You sound unsure of yourself; maybe I'm not who you think I am, maybe your tears are clouding everything. I don't turn at first, I've decided I don't want to see you again. I carry on into my house. I will never be able to leave if I speak to you, and I'm so close to escape.

I'm just about to cross my threshold when I hear your footsteps echo across the cobbles in the silence of the morning. Knowing this is it now, I turn around and suddenly you're here in front of me, and my knees are weak. You look pale, like you've seen a ghost. As if checking I'm not a figment of your imagination, you reach up and brush my cheek and I shiver.

I'm lost again. I'm gone. I'm all yours, and I always will be.

Suddenly your touch is withdrawn, and I blink at the loss of contact. And then you hit me across the cheek, and it hurts, so much, you haven't lost it, but I don't care. I feel more alive than I have in three years. Without warning, your arms are around my neck, your legs around my waist, and you're kissing me, and crying, and kissing me again, and I let you because I can't help it.

I'm holding onto you as if you're the only thing keeping me going, because you are. I don't care that I just watched your partner leave the house you share. I don't care that you have another life. Your life is mine, and mine is yours, the way it should be.

Slowly, carefully, I untangle you from me and set you down on the pavement again. You look up at me, with a look in your eyes that can only be reflected in mine. I wipe your tears away, and this time I lean in, for a longer, softer kiss. I want it to tell you that I've never stopped loving you. Yours tells me you've never stopped loving me.

This feels like a dream. Like I'll wake up and I'll be in my room, watching from my window as you leave at the same time you always do, or I'll be on a train, on my way to the coast, agonising over what I've left behind.

The way you've got your arms wrapped around me convinces me otherwise though. You're real, I'm real, and I'm letting myself think that maybe we could be real again. It isn't perfect. In fact, it's far from perfect. I'm leaving in half an hour, you have a life here. A man you love just drove away without speaking to you, and a job I love is waiting for me at the other end of the country.

But it doesn't have to be perfect.

We'll find a way. We always did.

We don't have to be perfect. We never were.

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**A/N: I'm meant to be revising, and I wrote this. I'm so ashamed. I love these characters so much at the moment though. Hey guys! Hope you all enjoyed this huge angst-fest. Happy ending though, kinda. Hope this also satisfies everyone asking for Peddie in TBOT (oh, hello if you've never read anything by me before. If you enjoyed this, please feel free to check out my HOA multi-chapter fic _The Book of Thoth_, which you can find on my profile. Thanks for checking me out!) anyway, this certainly satisfied my Peddie need. I've never written anything this angsty ever, but they just are an angsty couple aren't they? Or they have the potential to be. I guess Fabina are more angsty in the show. I'm rambling. I hope you liked this, please let me know what you thought of it in a review! I'm curious to know your thoughts on this style of writing - there's no dialogue, no real description, it's almost entirely a first person internal monologue, and not only that, I've used present tense and second person, two things I never, ever use. So yes, I really am interested to know how you found my little experiment. I had a lot of fun writing it at least. Thank you for reading :)**


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